Goa

It was evening time, shades of molten sun light escaping through thick clouds. A haze hung heavy in me. This was it, my first time in GOA. Three letters craved in splendour of images from childhood. Stories form Goa returned friends, a random walk through bollywood cinema. A movie called Dil chahata hai. There are times in our lives when we wish for a clean slate of memories. Zero expectation of what to find. But here I was, in GOA on a lazy moist evening wondering how can I dump these images and turn this experience in to a completely new one. Guess what, on my way back among zillion memories it really didn’t matter what I came with to Goa. What I was carrying back was so far away from the artificial images and beautiful that it was in true words a unique experience.

Monday morning I was back at office. All tanned up looking the closest cousin to African natives. A friend of mine asked me So how was your trip? A smile broke across and took me almost a minute to recollect myself. “Not right now, let`s go for a cup of coffee and you`ll talk I`ll listen is all he said. Hahaha! We really communicate non verbally at times.
Goa is nothing like what one imagines it to be. Your gathered memories is like watching a movie on 21 inch TV and then someone takes you to an IMAX theatre and puts up the grand show of planet earth for you. That`s Goa when you visit it. Its perfection of last 4.5 billion years of earth evolution presented on a beach side. Foamy water crashing onto porous beaches. Sight of sea gull gliding effortlessly on hot moist ocean gale. Deep sense of green almost at the tone of a rain forest. A corner sound of ocean waves going perfect with chilled beer. Reggae music bringing out the bright perfect tone of floral fabric fluttering from stalls. The rage of Tattoo as if it`s so unnatural not to be born with one. Houses that are homes and not concrete building. Expression of colloquial architecture still captured on the old streets. Wooden floor verandas, tall coconut trees shaped by ocean winds. A sleepy town suddenly put on formula one race track. It`s a potpourri of native culture and rest of India living in it at the same time.

I was ahead by a day so waited for Divya and others to touch down the next day. Stayed at punjim army guest house. A voice inside me yelling “Where is the ocean... where is the ocean?” Had an early dinner and tried to sleep for the day tomorrow is when the vision would complete. Have to admit that I must have got up three or four times just to check if it was day time. The sun came up and UD and I quickly packed up. Met Manmeet at the guesthouse and both of us had just one thought. Why are we here? Let`s rush to the resort. Spoke with Divya as she was boarding the aircraft and the excitement in her voice was equivalent to an astronaught going to moon on Saturn-V rocket.

At the guest house met another fabulous person Kapil and his family not knowing that later that day Kapil would be my hero. He fished UD out of a pool in a lightning speed. Kapil and his wife are travellers at heart. I bet in next 20 years they would cover major land covered areas of India. So we all packed in Kapil`s car (Human cargo + Daruu to fill up the goan ocean) finally headed towards the big “O” . Driving trough the city the first glimpse of goa is sleepy dotted with wine shops every 500 mts. Asking for direction we were sure we were on the right track till every time we stopped and asked where is O people would say you just passed it. Damn it! is it a hidden resort of some sort? Finally we stopped and asked a shop owner whose shop shared a side wall with O resort. “Boss yeh O hotel kahan hai... and he just pointed to the mytic shaped O. There we were! Finally at the destination unknown.



Open walk through WOW! I guess if there is any concept of “CHI” it would flow right through. ’O’ had this long walk through and the first place to greet guest was the BAR. The party got started right then and there. We checked in, Hugged and I personally met few for the first time. Prashant, Kozy in final phase of shaving, Amit, Smita and the entire Bangalore team. Guess what, they drove through the night and were as fresh as if they had just walked out from a swim in the ocean.

Eyes were still searching. The place got quite for a moment and sounds filtered through the palm leaf came gentle and slow. Ears searched and broke down the sound. A foamy ocean, the white surf crashing with a thud on the beach, receding gently from the porous sand, air rushing out from the locked sand grains evaporating with a soft hissing sound all captured in one. A wave leapt inside. Few steps forward, beyond the blue pool was the immense power of our planet. The most abundant form of mater on earth moved in synchronized form. The sun reflecting like silver glistening in a sun beam. The ocean, it was ours for next few days. A smile broke across touching coast to coast.




The BAR was beaming. SS70 and WS16 members stepped in one after another. For someone who was seeing this for the first time it was quite a sight. People were meeting with an infectious love. Hugs and hand shakin, buddies connecting over “Abey tu!!! Kab se dhun raha tha tujhey malum hai”/. “Kitna mota hogaya hai, fauj wapas se join karwani padegi tujey” A unique connectivity and what a privilege was it to be a part of it. I was at Anurag`s place other day and Sid, Anurag and I were talking about the same thing. We earn nothing except people. For friendship is actually an asset worth spending. The more one spends it the more rich and deep it gets. It was only a matter of time, by 3:30 every one was sloshed right at the gate of the resort. Talk of welcome drink!



The sun started to melt. Although the sky was partly cloudy, the colours of heaven dawned earth. The orange and blue, the grey of night melting in a silvery amalgamation with the horizon. Divya and I rushed for an evening sun set at the beach. While Kevin and UD discovered the joy of digging holes and putting their tender feet in the sand pits. Vashita, divya and I just stood there. Silent, I bet about half a km away into the ocean. When the ocean speaks you stand up and take note. The other amazing thing I always find about going to open spaces is the level of deep calmness it brings. You feel as if you could actually live your life in such places. “Perhaps one day!”



 
The night turned more memorable. And what a great Idea it was to get hold of the pass out parade video. The room was back in time. It actually felt as if we were back in 2000. Eyes said it all, smiles were all around, goose bumps as the contingent walked in. THUMP! A silence meeting with cheers and whistles. Every moment played in perfect harmony of memory and video. With each step almost all felt the march forward. The coordinated steps, the sound of boot meeting the gravel. The salutes sharp. It was special we all attended the pass out. More special for those who missed it the first time.



Labbamba... the Goan`s started to sing and the masks were out. Find who`s who.




Goa turned out to be a place that has its own way of defining it to you. From the sound of the foamy water crashing onto the porous beaches to the


Party rolled and we came back late in the night (Well the definition of late night got changed by the end of the goa trip). Anyways, the band played on and push ups were called in, with crescendo of a human mountain climb up. I am sure the band members had a tough time concentrating on music (Laughing and singing are perhaps not recommended together). Later on one member did mention “Sir are these guys always like this?” And my standard answer was “Well I guess today was the trailer”.



It must have been around 2:30 in the night. I was in deep sleep and there was “Knock Knock”. A walk to the Beach in the middle of the night! Sunny now that was an idea worth patenting Goodone!
Day2: I was expecting the hangover to rule the group the next morning. Guess what, leave alone hangover, the excitement of joy was so high the next day that everyone showed up on time for the breakfast and complemented the chef with polished dishes. After all it was the pool day. Bring on the shades, the chilled beer and the blue cool of the pool. Splashes of all sort, especially where it was written NO Diving. Divya championed the Ms. Divi the Diving champ. She jumped in almost 45 times. I guess the life guard stopped worrying after the 25th jump. And for the unsuspected one it was ensured that clothes or no clothes the pool would meet all members.









And what better way to cool the pool world than with double Vodka shots in the pool. I am sure by this time the resort administration would have taken the board resolution to have a No Army reunion policy”



Day2 Evening: Red and black peeney walon ki baat hi kuch aur hoti hai.

We danced and danced and danced. The band finally said “SIR it`s time we should go to which there was only one answer” One last song! So we had about 10 one last songs before the guitarist broke his wire. But now how could we help, our definition of being late has changed completely. Its only 1:00 in the night the party continues on an acoustic route. A group huddled in the middle of the dinning lounge, volume reverberating with the wooden feel of the place. Goa was alive and kicking with “Purani Jeans aur guitar, Dum maroo dum, Yaaro Dosti badi hi haseen hai”. DD pulling out an amazing Devanand skit. The laughs were louder than a thunderstorm.



At 3, the beach was waiting for us, almost all joined and the music continued. The waves crashing as if the chorus was decided by some one else. Surf, sand and music. I am sure if Goa was not in its rainy mood. Someone would have collected drift wood are a camp fire was next in the line.
Day3: No hangover yet! Man this is a discovery. How can one drink so much and still have no hangover. I guess it was an aha moment. A quick breakfast and a rented kinetic Honda was all that was needed. Baga beach, Anjuna Beach and boby style scooter driving was the call of day three. Oh! And yes TATOO! Now if you are in Goa and don’t sport a Tatoo than its almost sacrilege. So all of got the Tatoo on. Kozi was the Don that day. A dragon adorning his triceps. I called him the drug lord of Bangkok.




Tito night: Hawaii in Goa – The pics says it all









The last day! There are times in our life when time as a commodity is felt very strong. Rare times when we understand the currency of time and its importance in our life. Last day was that moment for all of us. Like the guy in DDLJ said “Ja simran jee ley apni zindagi” As if all that is left are few 24 hours so live all out. Divvy and I went for beach hoping, some people left and all though people said goodbye, at some level in ways deeper in connection what they were actually saying was Hi! Welcome to our world.

Divya and I are sun set people. We chase this star through its journey over the horizon. Looking for rare moments when we could see billions of nuclear explosions per sec in a soft orange glow of sun sets. One of our visions for Goa was to see a sun set over the Goan sea shore. This vision looked far from realization since all days were rainy and we couldn’t see much. But then the last day much like the last dance is always special. It was cloudy as usual but we took our chance and were walking across the long stretch of beach some where around 6:00pm. The best things in life are ones that are not expected. Well it had to, the heavens opened up slightly as if to say “Guys this is special guest appearance, this is monsoon so we are not allowed a full showdown but for the desperate souls here’s a peak of what lies on the other side of heavens.



The last evening we again decided to have one final round of Tito. The music was on the techno side and we decided to take a walk down the beach next to Tito. It turned out to be a beautiful walk, the silvery ocean, the shades of moon light, a long stretched beach turned into greyish white route. The expanse of ocean brining the sense of joy and insignificance together. We sat on the beach for about an hour and half and talked. A light beam swiping the sky from a far away light house. I guess Goa saves the best for the last.
The next morning as everyone checked out, bought our share of port wine there was a sense of deep contentment and joy. The faces said it all. What was written were words in the air of finding your old buddies, for once catching back life and not letting moments slip by like sand through fingers. The feeling was in much the same as two friends meet and saying goodbye only to meet for drinks in the evening.
Well for me, as I said in the beginning. On my way back it didn’t matter what I came with to Goa. What I was going back with was far deeper and richer. The memories of being with a selected few who stepped over the Antim Path 10 years back and the joy of a sun kissed land would always remain a moment in time for me.

Two world

Imagine our world our reality of things that`s caught between two very distinct worlds. We are living in a special place. We call our world the Universe. And last 100 years have been great. Perhaps the most revolutionary discoveries have increased our awareness of where we are. We have discovered two of the greatest systems. One that we call the biology and the other that we call astronomy. At the turn of the century we knew very less. Almost a drop of knowledge in the ocean of possible wisdom. We thought ours is a special world. All dots in the sky belonged to our world. They were stars of our local cluster perhaps limited to our own galaxy. We thought that all that the universe had was just one galaxy. How far away were we from the realization. And now traversing our 100 years of scientific exploration in astronomy. With Hubble picking up clues that the points are moving further and further away from each other. That the dots in the night are special and different. That what appears to naked eyes as dots perhaps represent a cluster of billions of stars together circling a common centre.

Its humbling to find the insignificance of our world in comparison to the vastness of space. With billion and billion of stars out there, our very own star the sun appears to be just one among many. And so does our earth. What makes us special then? The question tilts inwards. We’ve looked out farther than we’ve ever looked. Peering back into time we recently looked back almost 10 billion years back. And what an achievement it is. To question where it all came from. To explore questions of how it all started and debating the start of it all. I guess astronomy has enriched our perception much deeper that our notions 100 years back.
On a parallel track just like our astronomers there`s been a different level of exploration. While astronomers looked out Biologist looked in. Discovering a word as grand and complex as the cosmos itself. Look it this way, about 100 year back we had no clue what was going inside. We thought it was a sight and sound of spirits and worlds of the dead that dictate our life and our illness. Then in 1950 two young scientist mapped out the 3D shape of DNA. The master molecule of life. Simple in its design unlike the human ingenuity of storing data in digital form of zero`s and one. Nature opted out for a four letter code of life. So here we were looking back on our self truly speaking “finding the inner self”

Last 40 years and especially the last decade have been nothing short of a revolution in Biosciences. We haven`t discovered newer method of calculus, or newer methods of engineering or laws of physics. But in bioscience perhaps we have literally opened up a world of limitless possibilities. From decoding three billion letters that a human DNA is made up of to designing nano particles that can deliver drugs with a precision of a laser guided missile inside an infected cell. To me the world inside is as big as the universe outside “Perhaps a tat more complex” . It`s only when I try and understand this world that for a sec my mind wonders on the perfect design. Millions of molecules floating by in perfect harmony. Rules of physics obeyed in much the same way stars follow yet the interplay is so complex. Time spans of minutes and hours does not exist inside our cells. Events happen at rates of Nanoseconds (10-9 of a second) and at times in Femtosecond (10-15 of a second). Since the time you started reading this article and by now your cells have manufactured thousands of protein molecules. Your DNA molecules have twisted faster than a jet engines uncoiling itself to make multiple copies and billions of such events that go on like a universe busy making itself with the owner of the universe busy decoding digital content in a blog through complex human neural interpretation.

The connection is there but perhaps we don`t really connect the dot. For me it`s a simple realization. Matter was created within the first fraction of a sec after the big bang. All matter, all that we can see and touch got created in the furnace of the Big bang. The stuff that made the stars also made us. Hydrogen molecules adding up to form helium and later on to carbon and more heavy atoms. And as stars burned and exploded in giant fire balls of supernovas mater got a chance to grow and glow. Under super dense conditions heavy elements such as gold and other atoms were born. All this matter cooled over the empty space and condensed into a beautiful planet we all now call the earth. In true sense we are made up of star dust and the ring that goes around my finger was perhaps partly born in the most spectacular show in the universe where a star died to create something magical and rare.

So now whenever I look up at night sky. I truly feel the connection!

Driving through delhi

At times driving through the city leaves a deeper impact. The car stopped at the traffic light. Chilled air from the AC hum in silence while deep notes of piano played heavy on speakers. It`s rainy season so for most of the part dense dark clouds covered the sky. Through the haze of water droplets I see the child. All of 3 years. Perhaps the age of my son. Holding on tight to his mother perhaps a teenager in her early sixteen. The sad eyes bore no pain, they just looked tired. Tired from holding onto his mom while she begged for a rupee. I turned back looking for a shop to buy juice. Knowing fully that all I could do is perhaps sooth the body for a while. Soothing the soul is far away.

I came back with three small tetra pack juices. Signalled through the window and the mother rushed to the opportunity. Baby held tight as she crossed the street. Standing next to me I saw three smiling faces. And as I handed juice packs, the baby smiled his eyes wide open in excitement contrary to the dull expression a moment back. The innocence which was no different that my own son was infectious. I handed over the packs, the baby reached out for the same and I gave him one.
The bodies looked rejuvenated even for just a sec on the thought that the next five minutes of their lives would be spent with the cool feel of this drink. If only I could rejuvenate their soul for some time. I drove away sad and happy on the events of the road. What is the way? What can I do? The questions are hanging heavy in my mind. Am sure I`ll find the answer as I debate these thoughts.

Child

Khalil Gibran:
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."

--------------------------------------------------Pankaj 24/June/2010----------------------------------
For once we understand the truth of our own existence. How often do we realise that we are nothing but a minor role player in the larger context of life.
The fallacy is in the sense of importance we feel for our self. As if our existence is nothing short of a cosmic luck for this planet. Oh! We , I! the important human among 6 billion others. And I can`t stop laughing. Was thinking one day, how far ignorant and arrogant is human compared to all that is around them. From plants to animals to microorganism. Every life form here seems to know its purpose. Live, multiply and make way for newer ones. It`s simple, the currency of life for all that is non human is existence with the motto “Just let me live”. And then there is human form. So far off from the basic law of existence. We don’t even think about it. We are so arrogant in our definitions that we think nothing can touch us. We drive fast cars knowing we can crash and die yet we speed up. We know smoke kills yet we smoke on, we know heart ache yet we play causal with others.
The place where the big picture stays is perhaps the most obscure. We think we live in a world, a 3D space where we act our act. Not really, the token of life for us perhaps is in the realization that the most expensive cost of our casual attitude is time. Time as a variable that flows irrespective of our 3D space, our moods, our personal phases, our dreams and desires. How many a times I wish to steal back a part of yesterday. A small half an hour from a Sunday afternoon 10 years back. And what would I do if ever I am granted that. Well the answer comes out clear “Just let me live nothing else matter”
Is`nt it the same for us than. For all of us, to just live. To live in the present so that when tomorrow comes the past is what we always wanted. And not wasted over the haste of reaching to the future.